My life circumstances have been rather hectic for a few months so my opportunity to blog about the state of my spiritual practice and sadhana as a devotee of Adi Da Samraj has been limited. I’m not feeling particularly drawn to blog right now but it’s not because my sadhana hasn’t continued to be…
The world of things is like an echo in consciousness. There is always the mere unmodified conscious current that registers, and then the body-mind converts the patterns of energy into the objects that it experiences as itself and the world, and this too registers in consciousness. My body-mind thinks it is a someone but “I am” only an echo of self-contraction.
I have imagined in the moments just prior to death, my body distressed and suffering and can see the egoic nonsense of thinking that enlightenment is only possible when everything is just right. And since it’s never just right, it’s permanently postponed. If a little background anxiety is sufficient to distract my attention from The Great One on a calm, blue-sky day, what chance would exist for this fool in the jaws of a bear at the moment of death.
In my morning meditations, I’ve begun to feel closer to the edge of the self-contraction. There are times when all body awareness, thoughts and feelings fade into a blissful current of felt energy, and I can almost sense how it’s not inherent in the energy itself that it be experienced as “things”. That somehow, there is just energy and “I” am spontaneously generating the dichotomy of subject and object as my attention “notices” what appear to be patterns.
Can an ego truly be inclined toward ego death? I feel the answer to that is identical to, “can an ego choose not to seek”? No I don’t think that I, as Cage, could choose not to seek and by not seeking, end myself, since I exist only as a fiction generated by the action of seeking itself.