While I posted once this winter in January, that entry took a couple months to generate because this winter has been very, very demanding of my time and attention. There were a variety of reasons that were unusual including losing critical staff for extended periods due to Covid complications, and the massively increased communications demands caused by the pandemic. And then there were the floods which destroyed our BC highway infrastructure from November through to early January which, of course, are critical months for a Canadian ski resort based business.
And then, happily, there was a huge growth in nightly rental demand from people shaking off the encumbrance of the receding pandemic, combined with those who transplanted their holidays from December and January to Feb and March when the flooded highways were passable.
Added to this external demand on my time, Deb and I decided to sell our home in January which triggered a flurry of work for me to prepare our cluttered home for photos in order to list it.
During this entire winter, the time available for my spiritual practice diminished dramatically. I performed my morning pujas consistently, but rarely found time to study Adi Da’s Teaching or watch videos. I found time to listen to audio programs whenever I was required to drive to Kamloops and back, but my actual “practice” was down to the minimum.
And all the while, there was bliss amidst the function!
I’ve come to understand that the current condition of my relationship to The Source and It’s Divine Avatar, Adi Da Samraj, is not held in place through my own actions. It’s not conditionally sustained. It doesn’t depend on the amount of time I have to formally “practice”. There is the core self-understanding germinated by grace 18 months ago in that hunting field, that all possible experiences are objects to the awareness that registers the experience. And my identity has drifted closer in location to that “place” of awareness rather than being utterly locked up in the objects of attention. I don’t have to talk myself into that noticing any more, and I don’t take note of the blissfulness as mechanically as I have before.
I am simply busy working, solving problems, interacting with staff, property owners and guests, typing on my computer or answering calls, all the while, my feeling and connection to The Beloved is like a vessel I’m riding in. The entire period has passed very efficiently and almost like a dream. There are times when my attention is suddenly freed of the demands of my occupation and my full attention returns to The Mystery and in those moments, I notice the force of Bhagavan’s Transmitted Love-Bliss crashing over all the other objects in my awareness washing them into the background.
Curiously, driving is like that too. I notice while driving my vehicle that I am very present, conscious of all the traffic around me, in the middle of the road and yet my feeling is all waves of ecstasy and bliss. I’m not entirely sure how it’s possible to be this present and attentive as a driver while simultaneously my feeling-attention is turned to Avatar Adi Da Samraj as His tangible Grace washes over me.
Driving stands out because it almost feels dangerous. How can it be safe to travel down the road with my beloved wife in the seat beside me, on her phone, trusting that I have complete control of the vehicle, while I’m floating in ecstasy down this winding, mountain road? As Adi Da says, “Relax, nothing is under control.”
Of course, it’s myself as Cage that feels the danger. My egoic need to believe I’m in control. This sadhana is not safe for “me”. Cage feels at risk even typing this…but The Beloved’s tangible Grace is very compelling.
This road leads to Bhagavan and is being driven by The Great One. I’m not sure of how the car stays in the middle of the road even as my sense of myself as “the driver” is being undone. But there is function amidst the bliss somehow.