Sleeping and dreaming are times of pure “Cage”. I go to bed each night having felt The Beloved all day but when I sleep, it’s back to the “real world” for me. I dream of myself as I have my entire life, vivid and solid. Cage as pursued or pursuing, doing things and interacting with others. While dreaming, that reality is unquestioned and familiar.
And then, when I wake up, the very first thought is of Adi Da and my immediate action is to do an inventory of His State. Lying in bed initially I can feel Him like a distant memory that becomes fuller once I rise to start my day. By the time I’m upstairs I’ve begun to feel Him more fully…but that’s when the whispers begin: “What if you lose Him?”
”He was much stronger last night. Maybe it’s going to fade away now. Remember not to think. Turn to Beloved! Do what you were doing before, quickly before it’s too late!”
I hear these thoughts of “Cage” but often they feel more like whispers now. Not shouts as in the past. This morning I giggled at myself as my ego pattern generated these thoughts of losing my Relationship to Adi Da. They don’t have as much force as they might have had a while back when I was identical to my thoughts. Now I hear them like whispers. Now I notice they are objects in a body mind that I’m not identical to.
Even as these contracted thoughts begin to go silent having lost my attention and their momentum, I feel Beloved and soon I’m swimming in His State. I sit down in my living room where I have usually in the past turned on YouTube to catch up on the morning news, but often now I just sit down not drawn in any particular direction or to any patterned action. Beloved rolls over me and for a time there’s no need for motion.
But then this topic for a blog post gives me purpose and I write.
Last week I watched a video which described how Ramana Maharshi sat for so long “in an underground cellar shrine” that ants, mosquitos and vermin caused wounds on his body and left marks until his final days, but “absorbed by the bliss of being, he was unmoved by the torment.” I have an inkling to how that might happen.
When I first started to enjoy the traces of the “Feeling of Being” that is Adi Da again recently, it reminded me of the movie “Phenomenon” with John Travolta. I wondered if maybe I was suffering some kind of physiologically explainable phenomenon that could account for this state. He had a magical kind of brain cancer that led to his super powers. Have I accidentally consumed some super “Molly” that leaves me feeling high all the time, “intoxicated” as Adi Da says, that comes in waves of drunkenness but never produces a hangover? As I hear these fanciful thoughts , I feel the humour that accompanies them, that quiets them and that restores my feeling attention back to His Bliss.
Just more whispers in the head, the ego looking for alternative explanations for what Adi Da has so clearly documented. This is how he comes over those who are devoted to Him in the progressive stages of life.
So what to do next? It doesn’t really matter; a blog to be written, phone calls to be made, bookings to process. When this intoxication is the foundation of your day all the actions you take are more like background activities, white noise.
This feeling is similar to others like the drug ecstasy as I’ve described elsewhere, but it’s also much different. It resides over top of everything else. Beloved Adi Da would describe it as “prior”. Yesterday, something I ate didn’t agree with me and while my body had difficulty digesting, my enjoyment of Beloved’s samadhi was not really diminished. At times even in mid-sentence, I’ll stop and feel a particularly sweet wave of Beloved’s grace roll over me and if I close my eyes, time is lost for a while.
But I’m a man in the world with work to do, family that needs me and a community of relationships that I serve, so while I can see how Ramana Maharshi lost himself in the Bliss of The Great One, and ultimately remained there, I am still a little more pattern than not and have not yet realized Adi Da sufficiently to enjoy His State perfectly while performing my rolls as a separate self.
But there’s no rush and no particular direction I prefer over another. It’s all The Great One and even the spoonful I’m enjoying is sufficient distraction for this dreamer right now.